Todi i teper zirki 1984, p.1

It Was You, страница 1

 

It Was You
 

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It Was You


  it was you

  a novel by

  Ashley Beale

  It Was You © Ashley Beale, 2015

  This publication is protected under the US Copyright Act of 1976 and all other applicable international, federal, state and local laws, and all rights are reserved, including resale rights. You are not permitted to give or sell this book to anyone else. Any trademarks, product names, service marks, or named features are assumed to be the property of their respective owners, and are used only for reference. All rights are reserved.

  This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to any person, living or dead, any place, events, or occurrences, is purely coincidental. The characters and story lines are created from the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

  Published By: Ashley Beale

  Beta Readers & Edited by: Anita Shofner, Sandi Laubhan, Christina Concus

  Cover Image © 2015 – depositphotos.com, created by Ashley Beale

  This book is dedicated to Patricia & Stephanie-

  My inspiration behind this story! I love you ladies hard!

  Chapter One

  As soon as the doors open I'm hit with a rush of cool air. I didn't realize quite how suffocating it was inside the auditorium as we all were handed our diplomas. I'm officially a high school graduate but I don't feel free, not yet. Not until this summer is done and I'm gone. I don't want to exist in this town anymore, around these people... around him. I want to be free, finally.

  My final summer is going to be spent being surrounded by small town assholes, limited things to do, and being told I'm not good enough. I have less than sixteen weeks until I'm crossing into the town line of Galveston, Texas, where I'll attend college to be a Marine Biologist. Which I'm constantly told is irresponsible, since I've never even seen the ocean in real life.

  My fixation of dolphins started when I was young- only six years old. My real father worked for an oil rig company and was sometimes sent out to random places to help when there were leaks or other issues. Less than a month after my sixth birthday he went to Texas, where he brought me home a stuffed dolphin with promises of one day going to Sea World. It wasn't even a week later that the oil rig he was working on exploded, killing him along with thirty four other local people.

  Mom went into a deep depression after that, leaving my brother, Moose, and myself to basically fend for ourselves. My brother is three years older than me and was never one to take on the responsibility of guiding me in the right direction. Therefore I learned young to study long hours, work hard, and make friends with people that were willing to put up with me. That was the hardest of them all, especially when my mom started dating Bruce.

  "We did it, Ravyn!" Dawn yells as she wraps her arms around the back of my shoulders. She's been the one constant in my life since we were eight- that's when her family moved to Arlington, Nebraska. Her mom, like mine, was single but she hadn't gone off the deep end. Instead she took me under her wing when she could, while still taking care of Dawn and her two siblings. I always knew it wasn't easy on her though, so I didn't try to stick around for long periods of time.

  "Finally," I reply, my voice not nearly as enthusiastic as hers. Although I'm thrilled to have taken this step, knowing how long I've been craving it and how hard I've been working, I know I still have one hundred and eight days until I'm fully escaped from this place.

  "Oh come on," Dawn starts in. "You can show your excitement for once in your life."

  "I am," I tell her, forcing a smile on my face.

  Her silver-blue eyes narrow at me, knowing well how stubborn I am. I guess it's not so much that I'm stubborn per say, it's more the fact that I have simply learned to close off my emotions. All of them- excitement, sadness, anger, appreciation. I feel all these things, I merely don't show them.

  "Whatever. You're going to Jamison’s tonight, right?"

  "Yeah, I'll be there," I tell her.

  "Want me to pick you up, or are you riding with Kyler?"

  I spot Mom and Bruce making their way towards me. She managed to wear a dress that isn't covered in some kind of animal print for once, and her makeup doesn't look half bad. I can only assume she was actually sober when she got ready to watch me graduate. Bruce on the other hand looks as he always does, including his slicked back pony tail and bleach-stained, ripped jeans.

  "Actually, mind if I ride with you now?" I ask Dawn.

  "Sure, why not. I think Jaella and Serenity are riding with me as well."

  "That's fine," I tell her. Although I'm not a fan of them and their constant hackling or gushing over guys, they're still friends with Dawn so I put up with them. I know they can't stand me either, which is completely fine. I won't be here forever, and once I'm gone I'll never return.

  Mom steps up and grabs my arm, pulling me towards her. Her arms come around me in an embrace I'm certainly not used to at all. "You did it sweetie," she gushes. Another thing I'm not used to. It's been a long time since I've received any kind of affection from my mother, in fact the last time I can remember was on my tenth birthday when my grandmother sent me a hundred dollars and Mom asked if I could put it towards the electricity bill. When I told her yes, she held me close for a few seconds, but I didn't receive any other form of gratitude.

  Bruce's hand slides through my blonde curls, pulling the ends before his hand drops down. I can feel a thousand worms wiggle against my skin at his touch. "Good job," he tells me. Although his voice says anything but. He doesn't like the fact I graduated and that soon I'll be gone. He has some sick fixation on me he can't seem to rid himself of.

  I've never understood it, as my mom and I look much the same, except that the older she gets and the more drugs she does, the more haggard her appearance becomes. Her once luscious locks are now dead and dry, her face is sunken in, there are wrinkles around her gray eyes, and I know she weighs under a hundred pounds, whereas my body is curved in all the right places and my skin radiates even though I'm hardly ever out in the sun.

  "We got to get going," Dawn interjects. I'm thankful for her interruption. I was ready to leave before they even appeared.

  Bruce doesn't hide his disappointing glare but doesn't say anything to argue.

  Mom just smiles, revealing red lipstick stuck to her front tooth. "Okay, will you be home tonight?"

  "Probably not," I tell her.

  Bruce doesn't seem impressed by that fact. He has a need to be controlling. "I expect you home in the morning then. We have things around the house to get done."

  "I will be," I tell Mom, not looking in his direction.

  She runs her hand along my jaw line, watching me with eyes that cannot focus, smiling once more. "I'll see you tomorrow. Have a good night, sweetie."

  Giving a tight lipped smile, I turn with Dawn and walk away from the smell of cigarette smoke and whiskey. It's not until we're over thirty feet away that I let out an exaggerated breath.

  "You okay?" Dawn asks, not looking at me. Instead she keeps a smile on her face as she waves to our fellow classmates passing by. She was always super popular from the moment she moved into town, probably because she is friendly to absolutely everyone in passing. I've never known why she'd want to be friends with someone like me.

  We hang out with the same crowd, but only for the sake that I don't have any other close friends aside from Dawn. I communicated with others, mainly if we had a lot of the same classes, but never buddies to hang out with. It made me seem popular but I know I wasn't all that well liked, especially by other females. I'm not like the rest of them- I'm distant and quiet and I absolutely hate gossip. Although being in the so called in-crowd I've had my share of boyfriends through the years. My most recent and longest lasting being Kyler Porter.

  I absolutely loathe him.

 
Rubbing my sweaty palms across the front of my robe, I tell her I'm fine. I know she doesn't believe me, but it's always my response and she doesn't push for more. I know secretly she wants me to open about something, about anything, but I can't. She knows I have secrets. If I had to assume anything, it'd be that all her assumptions are wrong.

  Jaella squeals when she spots Dawn then comes rushing over, wrapping her arms around Dawn. "I can't believe we're officially done this hell hole!"

  "Right?!" Dawn responds excitedly.

  Jaella peeks over at me, her green eyes large with excitement. For once she is smiling at me instead of stubbing her nose into the air. "I bet you're thrilled to be done!"

  "Yeah," I tell her. "Super thrilled." My voice of course sounds anything but excited- at least I tried to make conversation, I guess.

  Whipping her red hair around, she yells for Serenity to come over. The three of them talk amongst themselves while I stand and listen, looking around at my smiling peers. Many people come through, congratulating them- sometimes even me. My feet get tiresome in the heels I'm wearing, so when Dawn says she's ready to head home I feel a sense of relief.

  We climb into Dawn's blue Dodge Neon, something she worked over a year for and is constantly breaking down. The music gets blasted and the bass thumps, even though it's only Taylor Swift belting out about her newest breakup. No one has the chance to talk with the music being so loud, but it's less than a ten minute drive to Dawn's place.

  When we get to her house, the four of us head in straight for Dawn's bedroom, immediately stripping from our purple gowns. I lost my cap somewhere when we tossed them in the air, but I never planned on keeping it anyways. In fact, I was one of the few that didn't even decorate my cap.

  Dawn places hers in a box neatly, preparing to keep it for a lifetime I'm sure. She is that kind of person- her room is filled with more pictures than I've ever even snapped. She is one to seize each day, live life to the fullest, and is full of more zest than anyone I've ever encountered. It helps in our friendship though- I'm the laid back one that tells her how things truly are in the real world, and I tend to pull her down to reality now and again, whereas she gives me the only excitement I've ever had.

  Jaella starts right in pulling makeup out of her bag, talking with Serenity about what they're going to wear tonight to the bonfire Jamison is throwing for us graduates. Dawn starts digging through her drawers as well, while I sit blankly on her bed, watching them. I'm already dressed in a pair of white shorts and a loose tank top, which is my normal summer attire. I don't like to reveal too much, and I certainly hate tight fit clothing. Unlike most girls who wear shorts smaller than their ass cheeks and shirts that may as well be bikini tops.

  Had my life been any different growing up, I'd probably dress like them too, but I don't like to draw attention to myself. It's rare to even see me with makeup on, except the foundation that I wear more often than not. Mainly to cover up the bags under my eyes or the bruising in random places on my body.

  Dawn tosses a shirt in my direction. "Wear this."

  I pick it up and examine the light pink halter top that would have my B cup falling out the deep v of the front. "Uh, no," I tell her, setting it aside me.

  She pops out her hip, placing her hand on it as she lifts a brow with attitude. "Come on, just for one night."

  My lip curls in disgust. "It's not my style."

  "We know," Serenity adds in. Her voice snobbish, the way it always is when she decides she's good enough to speak to me. It's not often I hear her words directed towards me, but when they are, they're typically crude. I'm not sure what I did to ever make her plainly despise me, but she does. I don't take it personally though. It's a reflection on her, not me.

  Dawn quickly gives Serenity a look, asking her silently to be kind. I could honestly care less if she is nice to me or not. She is another reason I'm happy to escape from here.

  "You're a college girl now," Dawn sings out. "Come on, please?" I hate when she begs. It's hard to say no to her, especially with how wonderful she always is to me.

  I hold the shirt up in front of me again. "Can we... try something a little less revealing?"

  With a sigh Dawn turns and looks through her closet once more. When she finds something new she tosses it at me, purposely hitting me in the face before chuckling. "One or the other."

  "Thanks," I mumble, picking the shirt up from the floor. It's a yellow tank top that has a giant black and white flower on the front. It's a bit childish looking but it's definitely not revealing like the other. "Fine, I'll take this."

  "Yay!" She claps her hands in victory. Turning she continues to pick through her clothes while I strip from my tank top and put on hers, which is two sizes smaller than what I'm used to. I actually have a body when I look down, making me feel... bare.

  Dawn doesn't stop there- once she is dressed she has me sit at her vanity while she applies makeup to my face. Not overbearing since she knows I'd wash it all off. I learned long ago to let her get away with simples things like doing my hair and makeup. My hair is already naturally curled, so she doesn't bother touching that.

  Once her brown hair is straightened, and Serenity and Jaella are done getting ready, the four of us head out of the house. I make sure to steal a pair of Dawn's sandals, knowing well I won't be able to walk in heels all night, especially in a large field full of drunk idiots.

  We arrive at Jamison’s around the same time as everyone else. Some people are already in the field with red plastic cups in hand talking amongst themselves, while others are still pulling in. We make our way to the field, where a few trucks are parked. Country music blaring from one of them.

  Jamison, who is the captain of the basketball team and swooned over by most every female ages ten to twenty, starts throwing different size wood chunks into a large pit. A few others join in, making the pile much larger than the party I attended last summer. After soaking everything in some gasoline he throws a match into it, setting the wood pile aflame.

  A few of the guys yell out in excitement, like it's some kind of miracle he managed to do a bonfire. I look around at the people here and realize immediately this was a mistake. It's better than being home, that much is certain, but I don't belong in this crowd. I've been waiting to leave this place, and on the night of graduation I'm standing around a field with people I've gone to school with my whole life. People I can't stand.

  Kyler's elbow pushes into my ribs, grabbing my attention. He's Jamison’s right hand man, so I knew he'd be here, but he's the main reason I didn't want to attend. I don't let him know that, I don't let anyone know that. I falsely show the world I'm madly in love with my boyfriend.

  "Hey," I tell him with a hint of a smile.

  He hands me a cup filled with foamy beer straight from the keg. I'm not a big fan of alcohol, mainly because I've watched my mom and Bruce drown themselves in it far too much, but once in a while I'll have a few sips. I've never been drunk in my life though, and quite frankly I never want to be. I've already been in the situation of not being able to control my actions multiple times, I don't need something like alcohol to make it worse.

  "Thanks," I murmur, taking the cup.

  Kyler clears his throat, keeping a shimmering white smile on his face, looking around at his peers instead of at me. He puts on a show better than anyone I've ever met. "You're actually drinking tonight, right?"

  "Yeah, of course," I lie. It's easier to lie to him. I don't like to piss him off- I'll pay for it eventually.

  Jamison makes his way over. "Ravyn Mae!" he says with a chuckle. I'm pretty sure he's already drunk. "You got a drink in your hand!"

  I lift my brows up at Jamison, pretending to be as surprised as him. "Look at that, I do."

  "Good, you need to let loose now and again." He slaps his hand onto my arm then shakes his other hand over Kyler's hair. "You two behave yourselves now, you hear."

  "Yeah, man. I'll catch up with you in a bit," Kyler tells him. Jamison takes the hint, walkin
g away to another crowd of people. In fact, it's the crowd Dawn is in. I wish I could grab her attention, tell her to come save me from Kyler's company, but she's been in love with Jamison for years, so all her attention is on him.

  "I don't think he'll even make it another hour without falling down," Kyler states about Jamison.

  I look up at him, wondering if he's had anything to drink. I could only wish he were drunk enough to be almost passed out, then I might actually enjoy myself tonight. "How long has he been drinking?"

  "Since this morning."

  "Have you drank anything?"

  He glances over towards the truck that currently has three kegs placed on the back of it. "Two beers."

  "Will you be drinking more?" I probably shouldn't ask but I don't stop myself.

  He shrugs his shoulders. "Are you?"

  "Yeah, I already said I was." I take a long sip from the cup just to prove a point.

  Continuing to stare at me, he slowly nods his head up and down. "Yeah, I'll have a few more."

  I smile at him and this time it's a real smile. Mainly because I think of him passed out in the field somewhere, getting shit on by crows or something.

  A motorcycle roars as it pulls into the driveway. Kyler and I both glance over simultaneously, as do many others from the party. I don't recognize the guy pulling off the helmet. He looks sort of like Jamison, only older and with mounds of hair unlike Jamison who keeps his buzzed. Instead of being dressed in blue jeans and a polo shirt like Kyler and his buddies wear, he has on stained dark jeans and a tight black tee. My face warms up looking at him.

  He places his helmet under his armpit before making his way towards the house, glancing over to the crowded field before entering the home. He doesn't look too impressed by all the company.

  "Who is... that?" I ask Kyler.

  "Jamison’s brother, Jaron."

  "Oh. I didn't know he had a brother."

  "Half-brother," he adds in. I can hear the disgust in his voice. Apparently he doesn't like Jamison’s half-brother. "He's a few years older, and only here for the summer."

 
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