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Poetry Collection Two: Cold Dark Difficult Truths

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Poetry Collection Two: Cold Dark Difficult Truths
Poetry Collection Two:

  Cold Dark Difficult Truths

  Written and published by Ashley Rebecca Kingston

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic means

  including but not limited to; scanning or photocopying without the prior written consent of the copyright owner.

  Only exception being, is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.

  Copyright © 2016 Ashley Rebecca Kingston

  Published: July 9th 2016

  ISBN: 9781310007354

  This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favourite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  Author’s Note:

  The following poems are of my creation. They are my stories, my songs. My life. While a poem may be received and interpreted differently by different people, there are words and themes contained within these lines that some readers may find are not suitable for younger audiences.

  It took some courage within myself to put together and let out into the world this particular collection of poems... my stories. Although I am not currently in that place any longer, and there are even some my insides have chosen to forget or even refuse to relate to, they are all still parts of me; but although they are parts of me, they are not all of me.

  I hope you can appreciate, or relate, or hate. Please be open to experience everything, the bad and the good.


  All In My Head - August.12.2005

  My Real Rejection Companion - April.30.2004

  My Truth - March.01.2003

  Lurking - December.22.2005

  To Dislike Stupid Is - July.09.2003

  In Need But Find - January.21.2011

  All On These Small Shoulders - April.03.2004

  My Hand Hurts Now - February.08.2004

  Under All This - November.07.2004

  Alone - October.08.2006

  Am I That Wrong - March.28.2003

  Misfortunes - August.17.2010

  Same Old Tricks - July.01.2004

  Another - February.28.2003

  I Seen This - January.01.2002

  My Luck - August.06.2004

  Not Any Further - January.14.2004

  rEaLiTy - May.31.2002

  So Cold Is The Air Out Here - May.02.2005

  Some May Believe - January.28.2005

  Strong Battle - January.04.2010

  Take Me Or Leave Me As Is - August.19.2011

  Whirl Wind In Sight - January.27.2005

  Why Keep Pushing - January.20.2007

  Blur Of Yellow Lights - January.28.2005

  Beast - January.21.2000

  Can’t Keep Up - Aug.16.2007

  Clear As The Light Of Day - November.01.2012

  I Think I Could Have Run - March.01.2004

  Wondering On - January.31.2004

  No One Knows - September.18.2003

  Imagine That Pain - May.15.2007

  To Be Given A Chance - January.20.2007

  Controls Me - July.24.2011

  Not Really Cared For - January.17.2011

  To Get What In Return - November.17.2012

  Into Who I Am Right Now - October.15.2003

  Tip Over Me - December.07.2004

  To Feel The Blood - May.30.2004

  Too Emotional, Just Like A Little Girl - May.30.2004

  Welling Up - November.09.2003

  I Find Myself, Here - February.26.2003

  Not Strong Enough Right Now - January.10.2004

  Pulling To Be Alone - August.17.2010

  Is My World - February.20.2013

  Missing Something - July.25.2002

  The Crazy - February.22.2011

  Encompassed - April.30.2007

  Lost In - May.27.12

  Life In Different Directions - February.18.2004

  Torn - October.21.2002

  All In My Head


  I can't get it out of my head

  an image, an imagined sound

  I know nothing of it as reality

  I feel nothing but the wind on my skin

  Why can I taste blood on my tongue

  hear the screams in my ears

  feel the heat and fear of death

  Why does that effect my mind

  I feel sick, all gone in a flash

  I don't know if I wish to be

  the hunter or the prey

  My Real Rejection Companion


  I can't find, anything here that is mine

  I can't find anything, that I am looking for

  I don't know what it is, that I am needing

  I find no help here, only finding myself all alone

  There is nothing that I want more, than this darkness

  The cold companion, the need for rejection

  The one and only, consistent thing left for me

  My Truth


  i am afraid to admit

  i am out of control

  i can't think straight

  nothing seems right

  but no one tries to stop me

  no one can even see me

  so why should i bother to care

  except for my own demise



  lurking... in the darkness i wait

  to destroy... the happiness i hate

  cry in terror... as i tear you apart

  if i can't have, this thing called love

  why do others, think it is theirs to posses

  To Dislike Stupid Is


  A distant look in my eyes,

  I see nothing but darkness.

  I went back to that place,

  I should have stayed away from.

  People are what I dislike,

  because they think so differently.

  Stupid is, as stupid does.

  I am what I do not like,

  because I am becoming one of them.

  In Need But Find


  I'm trapped.

  Darkness is creeping in.

  I can feel the cold, grasping at me.

  I'm left gasping for air.

  Silent screams fill my lungs.

  I try to breathe.

  Tightness, sickness inside of me.

  I question my actions, my existence.

  I'm trapped and lost, inside of myself.

  I don't know how to get what I want.

  To get to where I'm meant to be.

  I need others help, but find,

  closed doors.

  All On These Small Shoulders


  carrying all the heavy weight

  of the world

  on these small shoulders

  of mine

  is taking its toll

  i can't carry no more

  the evil powers of this world

  are stronger than i am

  i can't just give in

  but have no one to take over

  no peace do I receive

  carrying the weight of the world

  on these small shoulders of mine

  waiting for the day

  when i'll be set free

  My Hand Hurts Now


  i really want to

  just….. die

  my hand isn't far enough

  into….. the wall

  there isn't quite enough

  pain……. yet

  but if i scream hard enough

  someone might hear

  someone might just ignore me

  some might hear

  and stay away eyes closed

  so what if it hurts just hurts

  just life… loneliness in the pain

  Under All This


  under this skin of mine

  life collides with… burning fire

  water flows up and under… hot lava

  there is some life here

  but it is trapped

  trapped under boiling anger

  no one can talk to me

  no one can get close to me

  i fight too much

  i push too hard

  no one can get past that

  a wall built of stone and metal

  i didn't make it this way

  i was traumatized

  how can things go back now

  basically they can't



  no sleep.

  no breath.

  no physical touch.

  tears, anger.

  alone. alone.

  it is okay, to be alone.

  it has to be.

  Am I That Wrong


  why do people

  … always

  reject me

  i feel like it is all

  … my fault

  why no one ever seems

  to like me

  or want me to get close

  to them

  i feel like there is something

  wrong with me

  with the way

  i have made myself

  have i gone too far in my emotions

  have i gone to the dark side of things

  am i just so wrong

  that i can not be accepted

  please tell me the truth

  why i am always rejected



  don't ever look back

  take your breath and run

  don't accept a fate put upon

  this fragile state of mind

  forgiveness is a word unknown

  love is a movie story line

  taking hold, unable to grow

  if only to learn from the past

  mistakes remade all over again

  please forgive my misfortunes

  Same Old Tricks


  i hate so much, the things that i say

  when i open up, to another day

  i try so hard, trying to just fit in

  but end up hurt, like i always am

  i gave my heart, and it was torn apart

  so i hid away, hoping i'd keep it safe

  but i keep on tripping, into those brick walls

  i keep on falling, into the same old tricks



  another month

  another day.

  time just flies

  on its merry way.

  i hate this place

  and everything.

  i can't stand people

  or anything.

  i have nothing

  left inside of me.

  i have nothing

  else to give.

  can't anyone see

  i've fallen apart.

  why no one hears

  my screams at night.

  when i pull apart

  this empty life.

  no one ever sees

  me bleeding.

  not a care in the world

  these scars brand me.

  another month

  the hours and minutes pass.

  things seem to be better

  but then i wake.

  the past is controlling

  and i its puppet.

  another time

  around the bend.

  it all just keeps happening

  over and over again.

  I Seen This


  I can see their mouths… moving, but I can't hear a word they say.

  I fear to not be able to communicate, like blood driven into my soul with a sword.

  I can see things moving, and dancing in their place around here.

  I fear to not see movement, like a letter unsent in the darkness.

  I know that I will keep it, in my heart like the sun light.

  I know I will go on in the years to come, while sleeping no more at night.

  My Luck


  I had to make a decision,

  in the middle of all the chaos.

  Can't tell anyone,

  that I’m forced to live a secret life.

  I don't like lying to myself,

  but I am an adult,

  so I had to make a choice.

  I just hope with my luck,

  my decisions weren’t incorrect.

  I just honestly want to live my own life,

  with as many joys as I can.

  I am just trying to get by,

  with whatever gets thrown in along the way.

  Not Any Further


  I can hold

  up my head

  But it hurts

  to walk high

  I can't do it

  all over again

  The pain is too much

  for me to bear

  I wish

  I was good enough

  To be great

  and so much more

  But it takes

  too much out of me

  To become

  someone I am not

  But I still try

  with all that I have

  To be as perfect

  as I possibly can

  Yet I still get no further

  in my life



  Question this reality

  A reality that might not even be yours

  Be you in your own reality

  Question what everyone else says

  For they are not you

  Just be you in your own reality

  Reality was set and made long ago

  Before you were even here

  So how could anyone know what is you

  Question the questions in your mind

  For there is not just black and white

  There is more then what is just in sight

  Question this so called reality

  A reality that might not even be yours

  Be you in your true reality

  Question what everyone else says

  For you know that they are not you

  Just be you in your own reality

  So Cold Is The Air Out Here


  the night is so totally dark

  no stars in sight

  so quiet, not a sound

  except the buzzing of the bugs

  i stand in my bare feet

  so still

  i hope the bugs won’t reach,

  the sensitivity of my naked feet

  before my little time out is done

  so dark, it kind of scares me

  the air is incredibly cold

  it pulls my chest tightly around me

  the air almost burns and fights for freedom

  my tears silently burning down my cheeks

  i don't care, yet i feel


  i feel so empty

  where is god in these times of loneliness

  why do i think i need others to feel complete

  to find myself

  where am i.....

  Some May Believe


  I was made to believe.

  No one, could love me, for me.

  No one, could want me, for me.

  To walk away from love

  daring to believe

  only see what you want to see

  feel things only unheard of

  To believe in what they say

  would be some untold story

  but to live as who you know you are

  Is what there is to believe in

  Strong Battle


  they can see it on my face

  i don't have to speak any words

  they can feel it radiating off my skin

  that is what scares me, upsets me

  that i can be seen, that i cannot hide

  i fight so hard, so strong, for so long

  why is it i need to be so strong?

  so tight, so righteous, so different

  i finally realize it's not them, it’s me

  this battle, this bloody fucking battle

  is internal

  i can feel it, life, eating me inside



  i don't know what to do

  this circle is never ending

  never ending pain

  a battle to the end

  Take Me Or Leave Me As Is


  Don't ask me to change!

  Can't you see? That is the highest of insults to me.

  Don't be surprised if I shut down if you do,

  I'm now too hurt to even think my thoughts through.

  I'm sorry, I can't seem to be, who you think you need me to be.

  I'm sorry, I choose my own path, I choose not to change just for you.

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